I Different Kind of Ending to the Year

This Christmas season was different.  My best friend called one day during December and told me of a dear friend, a mother of a beautiful five-year-old girl, in a coma with stage four cancer.  She did wake up, requested a beer, interacted with her family, and gently passed on. 

My sister-in-law's father was also diagnosed with cancer and passed away.  I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to live life without my father or my mother.  Although, having lost a child I feel so much peace around death.  It no longer is scarey or frightening.  Yeah, we don't understand and it often seems unfair, but aren't we left with wonder?  That's just it, we are left with the wonder, not the type that questions everything or plays the 'if only' game, but the sheer wonder.  Our lives are a magical gift, our bodies, the people we interact with, everything around us.  For me the miracle of it all really comes to life with the passing of a loved one.  I'm left with questions of ahhh, like, "What is it like over there?"  You know that heavenly place, what is it like?  After my own son passed on I read lots of books about near death experiences.  They painted such vibrant pictures of what heaven is like, and about our feelings.  Feeling on such a different level. 

I'd love to see the beautiful gardens and all of the colors over there.  In attempting to honor that desire, although I know it can't be fulfilled to the heavenly degree, I've decided to plant more flowers this year.  Let's call them the 'in memory of' flowers or the reminder of 'the miracle of life' flowers. 

I'm going to plant carnations, for their long gevitity.  They always seem to out last all of the other flowers in a boquet.  These are in honor of mothers, for their personal long gevity in caring for and raising their children. 

For father's I'm going to plant marigolds, bright red ones, representing their great love for us as their children.  Marigolds are both beneficial and beautiful in the garden, like our father's. 

In honor of my favorite art teacher and in honor of all my teachers I'm going to plant the Black Swan Poppy.  In first grade we preformed the Poppy Seed Dragon, and I've loved them ever since.  As a young girl I loved harvesting and finding poppys because of the influence of my teacher. 

In honor of my son, Orion, and all little children, I'm going to plant Tina James' Magic Primrose.  A soft yellow, fragrant flower that burst open at dusk.  Historically primrose parties were held to see the magic of them opening in the morning and to take in the sweet scent.  My son changed my life in a instant and was gone in another, so I hope that I spend many mornings getting up before the sun to partake of the magic of the primrose and as I take in the sweet scents I can honor him.